Dealing with Grief

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Grief after losing someone you love whether they be a person or a pet is a very individual process.

For some people the pain passes quickly for others it takes years.

Recovery and healing is all about finding peace again; it takes time, dont let well meaning people push you into things before you are ready.

Unfortunately a death in the family will often bring out the worst in people, causing greed and disagreements.

Often a reading will provide support and comfort for you.

See someone you are comfortable with, this will often give you the opporunity to talk about your feelings.

Grief counselling can also help; its about finding what helps you.

Wendy recommends a book called How to Heal a Grieving Heart By Doreen Virtue and James Van Pragg this can be purchased through the book section in the website

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The stages of grief

The grieving process is very complex, everybody goes through different stages at different times.
Don't be to hard on yourself allow yourself time to grieve in your way, in my opinion it often takes 2 years just to get your head around the fact someone has passed

The CD Helping Your Loved One Pass Over is focused on helping with grief.

At the end of this page there are a list of resources that you may find helpful

Grief is made up of different components

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Sadness

The loss of not being able to touch or feel the deceased loved one

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Denial

Not believing or wanting to believe the deceased has pasted on.

Expecting them to walk in the door like nothing has happened

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Guilt

Comes in many forms

That they didn't say something or do something.

That the client wasn't there when they died.

That they survived

That there was a fight or argument before the loved one died.

Thinking it was your fault.

That they failed to do something like sign papers

That they had something to do with loved ones death ie abortion.

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Anger

This is often an uncomfortable emotion

Blame is often placed in all sorts of areas during this time

That the loved one isn't here for a special occasion

That they left the client will money worries

Addictive behaviours ie overeating may occur

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Fear

Fear of being alone

Fear of connecting with loved one

Fear of seeing a ghost

Fear of what now?

Fear of letting go

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Resentment

Why did you have to go

Why didn't you stay with me

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Helplessness

Feeling as through there is nothing you can do

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Acceptance

overcoming feelings and heals, often this will enable you to sense or feel their loved ones presence.

This is the stage where peace takes the place of pain

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Grief or loss is a very personal experience, everyone’s healing journey takes time.

Grief can come in many forms, here are a few examples of life traumas that may trigger the grieving process

The loss of a job
Abuse mental, physical, sexually
Miscarriage
Relationship break ups
Death
Illness
Loss of body function
loneliness

It is important to give yourself time to grieve in your way and heal, I always liken this to taking a trip to Wellington, we all will take different transport, different routes and different time frames but eventually we get to Wellington.

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Allow yourself to grieve in your way at your time

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There are many forms of support available to you, its about choosing the ones that feel right for you

There are so many books and organisations out there, please take the time to see what is available in your area

Here are some suggestions on resources and support systems that may help you on your journey. There are so many more than the ones I have listed but these should help guide you along the way.

Counselling is about working together to make sense of what is happening and finding ways to go forward.
Finding a counsellor, you can relate well to is important.

Your GP is often a good place to start they can often recommend a service.

Depending on your GP some counselling maybe free if they refer you.

Your GP may also recommend medication, I think it is important to look at this from this perspective if you break your leg you get plaster and crutches. The crutches are important while the leg is healing, but once it has healed you can get rid of the crutches. Medication can be a crutch just to help you heal, its important to discuss with your GP the pros and cons so you can make an informed decision that is right for you.

I also believe that when we are grieving, we neglect our physical health.

We can miss meals and become run down and exhausted. A visit to your local pharmacy to look at vitamin and mineral preparations can be really helpful. There are so many good blends that deal with stress and exhaustion available that it is worth discussing them with the pharmacist.

Your GP may also recommend medication, I think it is important to look at this from this perspective if you break your leg you get plaster and crutches. The crutches are important while the leg is healing, but once it has healed you can get rid of the crutches. Medication can be a crutch just to help you heal, its important to discuss with your GP the pros and cons so you can make an informed decision that is right for you.

Readings can help its a very individual thing

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Some Resources for dealing with grief

Support Phone Lines

Most of these support lines operate 24 hours a day 7 days a week Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor

It’s a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions)

SPARX.org.nz – online e-therapy tool provided by the University of Auckland that helps young people learn skills to deal with feeling down, depressed or stressed
Sexuality or gender identity helpline OUTLine NZ – 0800 688 5463 (OUTLINE) provides confidential telephone support

Helplines for children and young people

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat

Kidsline – 0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age. Open 24/7.
Help for parents, family and friends

Parent Help – 0800 568 856 for parents/whânau seeking support, advice and practical strategies on all parenting concerns. Anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential.

Family Services 211 Helpline – 0800 211 211 for help finding (and direct transfer to) community based health and social support services in your area.

Skylight – 0800 299 100 for support through trauma, loss and grief; 9am–5pm weekdays.

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Books

How to Heal a Grieving heart By Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh

This beautiful little book is made to pick up and randomly open at a page and read Doreen Virtue commenting on grief

Never believe anyone who tells you that there is a finite amount of time you should grieve. There are no rules when it comes to mourning. Grief, like love, is immeasurable. No one loves the same, nor grieves the same. Some people demonstrate their sorrow openly, while others keep it deep within their being. It is a very personal human and spiritual experience. They say that tears cleanse the soul, and grief validates the love you felt.

Its Ok Youre Not Ok by Megan Devine

Survival of The Soul By Lisa Williams

Talking to Heaven Oracle Cards By Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh

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Organisations

CAPS Hauraki is here to support you and your family live safe, happy and thriving lives. They offer a range of services in the Thames/Coromandel and Hauraki regions including:

Counselling ACC Integrated Services for sexual harm

Social work

Sexual harm support service

Parenting education and Classes

Family violence programs for adults, young people and children

Youth advocacy and support

All their services are free and inquiries are welcome.

732 B Queen Street Thames 3500 07 868 8644 (Thames)

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Websites

https://grief.com/about-grief/

This website has a lot of information in both written and video form, dealing with all kinds of grief and ways to make room for healing